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Mutant Diet Day 56

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Apparently Joss Whedon told Elizabeth Olsen that she did not have to wear an outfit like the ones from the comics. That outfit was only fit for The Sandbanks. Please go there and support the site.

It’s a quiet Sunday in Vancouver and we had the pleasure of seeing out of town guests. A yoga class is upcoming, which I’m hoping will let me remove the headache from my day. It seems like neck tension is the real cause.

SportChek tweeted me back wanting more information. I guess if I want them to try to improve for other humanoids shaped like me, I should respond. So I sent them the following.

“Hi. I am replying as requested. My visit was Fri May 19 4:30 PM at the Robson/Howe store. 0 sizes for me. I needed a real 2X. Not a 2X for hobbits.” And I included my contact info.

My diet today is not going well. I am trying not to become depressed by it all.

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May 23, 2016

Mutant Diet Day 55

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This is Red Hulk. Seemed appropriate. I suggest Galiano Island for chilling out.

This one is going to be a bit of a rant.Yesterday, I saw Captain America Civil War. I enjoyed it.

Just before the movie, I walked over to the new Sport Chek store on Robson. I had a $15 gift card that I was given by a Sport Chek person while I was riding to work last week.

I have reduced so I need new gym shorts. However, if you want actual gym shorts — you know, cotton mid-thigh — Sport Chek is not the place.

Also, Nike’s sizing is for skinny bastards. Which means that the 2X is intended for anorexic swimsuit models.

I really, really, really should have been prepared when the person helping me find something was more slender than my right leg. Retailers really should train their staff to know that when they say “Gosh I’m not sure we have that size, I’ll have to check in the back,” it translates as “You are a total freak and should not be shopping here.” The individual in question was not at fault. The entire premise of the store is at fault.

So, the message for Sport Chek is: check (spelled correctly) my f___ing blog and see how much fitness work I do and ask yourself it it’s a good idea to communicate to me that I’m too much of a fat hog to shop at your stupid store.

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May 21, 2016

Mutant Diet Day 54

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We’re going to see Captain America Civil War today. Have a great long weekend and why not visit this page (Prince Edward County Ontario) where people enjoy long weekends.

It’s Friday of a long weekend. I did not ride. Not so much weather as being frog-licking tired.Notes to self from yesterday:

1:43 PM Thursday May 19. I got back from the gym about an hour ago. I’ve had my lunch and a momentary lapse into semi consciousness. One of the reasons this process sucks is that, despite moving from a size 3X lard ball down to a 2X lard ball, I’m still (sadly) a lard ball.

I hear the new age voices out there saying, “You should not be so hard on yourself. You should accept who you are. You should love the body you’re in.” Yeah, yeah; sure, sure.

I totally accept that I’m a small sized hippopotamus trying to pretend he’s a large-ish chimpanzee.

This of course makes me think of Madagascar and King Julien.

“We get there when we get there,” line from The Incredibles comes to mind.

Which means my theory that diet alone would not work is likely true. Let’s say I went on an all lettuce diet and sat on my couch and waited, I might get to an XL size t-shirt, but I’d probably look like someone needing hospitalization.

I think XL is my logical end state, because I think I was 6 when I last wore a size L t-shirt.

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May 20, 2016

Mutant Diet Day 53

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OK, so the cake yesterday was great.

Now for the counter measures.

Today is a Thursday, which is always the killer. It will include at least 7.4 km on the bike, a trip to the gym for Victoria’s Killer Homework and 2 hours at the dojo for karate.

There will be ibuprofen and white wine as pain levels indicate.

Your comic book character is Killer Croc, who is in Suicide Squad. The only place I want to see a crocodile is at the Toronto Zoo.

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May 19, 2016

Mutant Diet Day 52

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Here’s where you go in Vancouver for frozen yogurt after cake.

Day 52 involves me recovering from Day 51. I did the homework yesterday and I felt like I’d been through 85% of a personal trainer session. My legs this morning going over the Burrard Bridge were distinctly whiny. Today’s a yoga day. Maybe I should just lie there and moan?However, today is the 8th birthday of a little boy at my house.

Hence the cake. Duncan Hines plus my chocolate icing (as taught to me by my mother) will later today render our chocolate receptors helpless.

By the way anyone who tells you that being on a diet for a while removes your interest in sweets is a lying dirt bag from a long line of delusional swamp creatures.

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May 18, 2016

Mutant Diet Day 51

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This guy is Slipknot and is in the Suicide Squad movie. He needs to visit Wasaga Beach in Ontario.

I had a small stash of carrots in the fridge at work. Someone did a fridge clean up and tossed my carrots. You know your diet is a bit intense when something as trivial as missing carrots really pisses you off.Speaking of intense, Victoria at Steve Nash Gym amp’d up the workout. I was using the “battle” ropes. You can google “images battle rope exercises” to see what I mean. She also came up with this technique involving a broom stick sized stick to jam into my uncooperative hip flexor muscle.

Yeah. Ouch, eh. The new homework appears below.

But I warn you all. Wednesday is Tim’s birthday. There will be cake.

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May 17, 2016

Mutant Diet Day 50

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It’s the start of Week 8; there are 7 weeks left. I may live to regret this.

Today marks the first Victoria (the person, not the city) Killer Trainer Session. Hopefully there will be a smooth transition into the muscular distress that I’ve come to expect from personal trainer sessions.

Of course to make us all feel lame, I saw on CTV news that some guy in Beijing held a low plank for 8 hours and 1 minute. This broke the previous record held by a US Marine who, inexplicably, when interviewed, was not wearing a shirt.

The Captain Boomerang cover shows how old this character is. The actor doing the character in the Suicide Squad film can use his own Australian accent. I think everyone should go to this Lake Louise page and plan a vacation you may never take.

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May 16, 2016

Mutant Diet Day 49

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Katana, in the upcoming movie, I think is part of the good guys trying to manage the bad guys. I may visit Peterborough zoo and train this summer.

For a Sunday before week 8 I realized that there were some funny things I noticed about this process.Important safety tip: don’t tell the yoga teacher your shoulders are really tight. She might modify almost every pose she delivers to include shoulders. Yeeeeoooowch. Today is rest day for the shoulders.

Speaking of advice, notice I gave you some advice cleverly disguised as a safety tip. I have concluded though I will not give diet or fitness to anyone. They can ask me what I did to achieve whatever I will eventually achieve, but I doubt anything I do can be assured to work for others.

Yesterday I was having a discussion about diets with the lady who cuts my hair. The discussion turned to salad dressing. (Yes, my life is so lame that I have discussions with people about frigging salad dressing.) Anyway, I discovered when buying my salad dressing that there can be a 50 calorie per tbsp in some ranch dressings. I was told that was terrible I should use lime and/or oil and balsamic vinegar. My life is so busy it was a miracle I looked at the salad dressing bottles in the first place. So, I said, “Look, you come to my double karate class on Thursday nights, then you can talk to me about salad dressings.”

When you have an argument involving salad dressing, karate wins.

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May 15, 2016

Mutant Diet Day 48

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This is Deadshot of the Suicide Squad. He actually has no specific superpowers. I want him to vacation in Banff and visit my clients, when on holiday, not professionally!

So, on a beautiful Saturday, I contemplate how to maximize the effectiveness of this experience. I am faced with the realization that I probably started out way worse in terms of weight and fitness than I imagined. I had been doing karate, yoga and walking/cycling prior to this Mutant Diet, but it was enough to keep me from serious illness, but not enough for long term freedom from the medical system.The problem is to add more km on the bike, or mess with the diet more, will add more stress in terms of time management. I have a major technical problem to solve by June 1, which effects the main servers for Quokka Systems.

So I’m going to focus on that, maintain the fitness/diet status quo (which will change with a new trainer anyway) and then kick it up a notch in the last month. This will also give me time to determine which notch to boost up.

I took my bike in first thing this morning and the bike shop fixed the brakes and rear wheel alignment. Phew. A much nicer ride now.

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May 14, 2016

Mutant Diet Day 47

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This is Enchantress from both Justice League Dark and Suicide Squad. Is she good or bad? For sponsorship, especially on Friday the 13th, it would be good to review this article about Stanley Park.

It’s Friday the 13th. Do you know where your black cat is?I had to take the bus today because my mountain bike’s rear wheel started rubbing the frame and making bad noises. But, in the end, the change up to having to walk home is probably good. I was super sore after yesterday’s efforts.

The big news for this process is that I’m changing Personal Trainers. Mary is moving to another gym and I can’t myself change gyms. I am very lucky that Victoria, another trainer at Steve Nash, is willing to take my case. While I was working out at the gym she and I had spoken and she was very encouraging. Amazingly, she had the same Monday noon time slot!

So, the experiment is being maintained. Victoria also has a kinesiology background so I’m sure she’ll have fun figuring out the mystery of my right hip and SI joint. I’m sad at losing Mary for this process, but relieved that I found someone who seems to get it.

There’s no evidence yet that anyone has tackled de-lardification in this manner.

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May 13, 2016