Robert Ford Fiction

Category: Mutant Diet

  • Mutant Diet Day 63

    Mutant Diet Day 63

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    Spiderwoman

    I think I have this comic. It sounds like it’s warm enough in Ontario to go to Sandbanks this weekend.

    		 Starting tomorrow 4 full weeks and two days will remain. I’m not sure why I’m nervous because I rigged this up to be an experiment where I should only care about completion and not results.

    But face it, I want results. Big results. Results where random people would say, “oh my goodness those are some big results.” I don’t want results where people say, “Jeez that was a lot of work for only that.”

    So what is that? My pulse and BP don’t make sense. In the three readings last night I was twice in the 140s for the top number until I settled down to the 134 number. But my pulse was consistently in my record low area of 57/58. WTF?

    I need a new meditation mantra: That is at the end. That is at the end. That is at the end.

    Speaking of pressure, an issue arises where if I restrict the diet more or try to work out more I might precipitate what the diet industry calls the F U Response.

    This is where all pressure to improve a diet/fitness regime is converted to anger which, in turn, is converted into a large quantity of the worst food possible. In my case that’s the Costco size bag of M&Ms. In other people’s cases, that’s more croissants than the French own.

    Today is a big day for the family. The year end Bach Children’s Chorus Concert is on at The Chan Centre at UBC. Wish us all luck. (I’m not singing, but I am on the Board and I have to wear a suit and mingle.)

    MutantDietDay62

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  • Mutant Diet Day 62

    Mutant Diet Day 62

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    IronManDoomDr Doom and Iron Man using a time machine. I wish I had one. Spend time in Whistler. The numbers for the two-thirds point in the process are below. I did my first ever 22.8 km around Stanley Park ride yesterday. I had not tried this before now because last summer after do that ride too often without enough stretching, I put my back out.I was rewarded by being drenched by a rain squall near the Olympic Village. I should have realized that this rain cloud was reserved for the Vancouver International Children’s Festival which has been rained on every year since inception. Once past the festival it cleared up.

    As I look toward the last third of this voyage I wonder what can I do to max out the results?

    A tough question as it all hooks to time. Given one’s responsibilities (i.e. work and home) there is a challenge of trying to cook more, exercise more, sleep more, etc. How and when?

    MutantDietTwoThirds

    MutantDietDay61

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  • Mutant Diet Day 61

    Mutant Diet Day 61

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    GreenLanternGreenArrow

    Could not resist a retro cover. Go retro in Crowsnest Pass.

    		 I have to edit slightly from my hand written notes from yesterday, but basically I jotted down “I fell off the dog humping pullup machine. What a total w____r. Makes it difficult to stay cheery or find room for improvement.”

    Prior to this, I wrote this:

    Comedy Rules

    1. Everything is funny.

    2. Things that aren’t considered funny (e.g. Donald Trump) are funnier when discussed in an Elmo elmosmall or King Julien KingJulienSmall voice.

    I’m declaring today the end of the second month. Some fresh stats on km ridden and steps walked will be published.

    MutantDietDay60

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  • Mutant Diet Day 60

    Mutant Diet Day 60

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    Flashpoint

    In honour of the Flash season finale, this image is from the Flashpoint comics series. I do not know how they think they’re going to do that story line on TV. Rest your mind at the Robert Bateman Gallery.

    		 It’s been a weird week with much to worry about and in the case of stopping worrying, I did get a reply from Sport Chek to my complaints about sizing.

    We want to thank you for taking the time out of your day to provide us with the feedback that you have regarding your experience at our Robson location. We do sincerely apologize that you feel that the sizing we have at Sport Chek is not true to other sizing. Unfortunately we are limited to what the Vendor supplies with the sizing. Again we do sincerely apologize for inconvenience this may have caused you. We have forwarded your comments onto our Purchasing Department for review.

    So in essence they have what they have and I am what I am. There is no intersection set.

    Today’s motto on stress is this: if a situation that bugs you is not being simplified or avoided, you are probably not using your time well.

    Today I hope to see new homework from Victoria and when I go to the gym, I will try to examine what I can do and not stress about what I can’t do.

    Did you see how I avoided negative words like groin-pull, lardball, dish-soap and moose-face?

    MutantDietDay59

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  • Mutant Diet Day 59

    Mutant Diet Day 59

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    SpidermanHercules There’s a line from the now old British Sci Fi comedy Red Dwarf that comes to mind. “Are you sure your sanity chip is fully screwed in, sir?”Honestly I tried going to bed last night with nothing but water but, after a couple hours in I lurched toward the ibuprofen bottle. All that due to a yoga class (N.B. watch out for yoga teachers named Naomi) and a meagre 7.4 km of riding.

    Good grief.

    So I am keeping this short because I have several long to-do lists that are helping me become unglued.

    Today’s comic book cover is one I own. I was thinking about Spider-man team ups and I remember liking those comics because you never knew who he’d have to work with.

    Please visit Charlottetown for sponsorship reasons.

    MutantDietDay58

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  • Mutant Diet Day 58

    Mutant Diet Day 58

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    JusticeSociety

    The TV show Legends introduced a character from the Justice Society. I’m now curious. I say visit Fort Langley if you’re curious.

    		 I know it’s Tuesday but it feels like a Monday. Not just because it’s the first day of work but because nothing had gone according to plan so far.I was to have a personal trainer session today, but that’s been moved to tomorrow because Victoria is ill. That’s OK; no big deal. The elevators in the building have gone mental. The “E” elevator seems to have some form of tremors and won’t go anywhere. “G” seems stuck doing all the work.

    Plus I think my counting is all wrong. This is really week 10; I thought it was week 9. There’s only 1.5 weeks until June.

    The food part of things went a little sideways last week. Cake will do that. So I needs must focus without anger. When people like me (who talk loudly in restaurants and make Monty Python references) become angry at themselves, the inner rebellious person says,

    “Screw you, I know where M&Ms are, so don’t mess with me.”

    Despite the plan going off, the plan is the plan. Oddly I can sneak in a yoga class at 1 PM that allows me to use up the last class on my 10-class-pass before it expires.

    One has to take the small wins as they come.

    MutantDietDay57

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  • Mutant Diet Day 57

    Mutant Diet Day 57

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    Defenders

    This is the first Defenders comic. I own a copy. In November we get to see Dr. Strange. Please visit Mahone Bay. Cathy and Shawn will know why.

    		 It’s Monday, Victoria Day, my 18th wedding anniversary and the start of week 9 of this voyage.

    Nothing like the Sunday night yoga class to make you feel like the process is hopeless. The teacher said she thought she had run an easy-going class. Both Catherine and I disagreed. If people in the overall health industry want to understand why people choose to remain out of shape, this is why:

    With any change comes the need for sustained effort to make the change habitual and permanent. This will for sure be uncomfortable and will likely cause pain. Worse, the end point may not be knowable. And, mentally, you won’t be the same afterwards.

    When people face such a ginormus effort, the couch, Netflix, chips and beer start to look compelling. Heart disease, stroke and type 2 diabetes are abstractions. Until they hit.

    Tomorrow I see the trainer. I’ve asked my sore muscles to heal up by then.

    MutantDietDay56

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  • Mutant Diet Day 56

    Mutant Diet Day 56

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    ScarletWitch

    Apparently Joss Whedon told Elizabeth Olsen that she did not have to wear an outfit like the ones from the comics. That outfit was only fit for The Sandbanks. Please go there and support the site.

    		 It’s a quiet Sunday in Vancouver and we had the pleasure of seeing out of town guests. A yoga class is upcoming, which I’m hoping will let me remove the headache from my day. It seems like neck tension is the real cause.

    SportChek tweeted me back wanting more information. I guess if I want them to try to improve for other humanoids shaped like me, I should respond. So I sent them the following.

    “Hi. I am replying as requested. My visit was Fri May 19 4:30 PM at the Robson/Howe store. 0 sizes for me. I needed a real 2X. Not a 2X for hobbits.” And I included my contact info.

    My diet today is not going well. I am trying not to become depressed by it all.

    MutantDietDay55

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  • Mutant Diet Day 55

    Mutant Diet Day 55

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    RedHulkThis is Red Hulk. Seemed appropriate. I suggest Galiano Island for chilling out. This one is going to be a bit of a rant.Yesterday, I saw Captain America Civil War. I enjoyed it.

    Just before the movie, I walked over to the new Sport Chek store on Robson. I had a $15 gift card that I was given by a Sport Chek person while I was riding to work last week.

    I have reduced so I need new gym shorts. However, if you want actual gym shorts — you know, cotton mid-thigh — Sport Chek is not the place.

    Also, Nike’s sizing is for skinny bastards. Which means that the 2X is intended for anorexic swimsuit models.

    I really, really, really should have been prepared when the person helping me find something was more slender than my right leg. Retailers really should train their staff to know that when they say “Gosh I’m not sure we have that size, I’ll have to check in the back,” it translates as “You are a total freak and should not be shopping here.” The individual in question was not at fault. The entire premise of the store is at fault.

    So, the message for Sport Chek is: check (spelled correctly) my f___ing blog and see how much fitness work I do and ask yourself it it’s a good idea to communicate to me that I’m too much of a fat hog to shop at your stupid store.

    MutantDietDay54

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  • Mutant Diet Day 54

    Mutant Diet Day 54

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    CivilWar

    We’re going to see Captain America Civil War today. Have a great long weekend and why not visit this page (Prince Edward County Ontario) where people enjoy long weekends.

    		 It’s Friday of a long weekend. I did not ride. Not so much weather as being frog-licking tired.Notes to self from yesterday:

    1:43 PM Thursday May 19. I got back from the gym about an hour ago. I’ve had my lunch and a momentary lapse into semi consciousness. One of the reasons this process sucks is that, despite moving from a size 3X lard ball down to a 2X lard ball, I’m still (sadly) a lard ball.

    I hear the new age voices out there saying, “You should not be so hard on yourself. You should accept who you are. You should love the body you’re in.” Yeah, yeah; sure, sure.

    I totally accept that I’m a small sized hippopotamus trying to pretend he’s a large-ish chimpanzee.

    This of course makes me think of Madagascar and King Julien.

    “We get there when we get there,” line from The Incredibles comes to mind.

    Which means my theory that diet alone would not work is likely true. Let’s say I went on an all lettuce diet and sat on my couch and waited, I might get to an XL size t-shirt, but I’d probably look like someone needing hospitalization.

    I think XL is my logical end state, because I think I was 6 when I last wore a size L t-shirt.

    MutantDietDay53

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