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  • De-Lardification Phase I – Planning

    De-Lardification Phase I – Planning

    De-Lardification and The Mutant Diet

    De-lardification not a real term, but I like it. This is my first blog post on a new diet/fitness regime I’m going to undertake late March 2016.

    I am going to try to break a long history of failed attempts. There have been 1,105 Mondays since Jan 1, 1995. This is my estimated number of failed attempts.

    The good news is that I’ve learned a lot about what works and what doesn’t in the diet/fitness world over the years so this time I want to try (cue Monty Python music) something completely different.

    Concept

    In 2002 where we lived, we routinely took baby Carolin (my daughter) out in the stroller and occasionally saw Hugh Jackman doing the same thing with his baby. (I always think of him as the neighbour we never got to know.)

    As he progressed in super hero roles and I watched other actors bulk up for roles (e.g. Hemsworth and Evans) I wondered “how did they not simply die doing this?” It isn’t the required 90-hours-a-day with an expensive trainer. There has to be a method, a process.

    Well, here it is:

    www.bodybuilding.com/fun/mutant-strength-hugh-jackmans-wolverine-workout-plan.html

    I have no intention of looking like these guys, even if I thought it was possible. It’s the diet and methods that intrigued me.

    My Goals

    1. Go off blood pressure medication

    2. Dramatically increase my core and upper body strength

    You’ll notice that no other metrics are in my goals. No target weight change, no waist size change, no calories-per-day.

    Classic Issues

    When dieting, I quickly feel like it’s hopeless — a never ending hell road that ends in hell.

    I’m a junkie for sugar, chocolate and wheat.

    Time. I am a father of 2. I have a full time job. I run a small company on the side. (Please visit www.travelinbc.com/vancouver.cfm and do something on the site.) I am on three different boards (Strata, Vancouver Bach Choir and the Henry Hudson PAC). My wife still enjoys my company. This fitness regime has to be efficient.

    Current Fitness Level

    I currently walk home from work (35-40 mins), do yoga twice a week, do Karate on average 1.5 times per week and commute by bicycle in the good seasons. I am not utterly useless. My core strength is better than it’s ever been (thanks Karate). For those of you who don’t know me, I was never an athlete. In High School my idea of good fun was going to foreign films on Bloor Street in Toronto with friends.

    Health Issues to Manage

    I have allergies. I am both allergic to and addicted to wheat and sugar. Chocolate should be its own food group, not milk.

    Right Hip and Knee

    I have a repaired right knee (meniscus cartilage tear) and a continually clenched hip muscle. Both injuries occurred in the late 1970s and are the gifts that keep giving. The hip tends to yank out the lower back when the hip flexors and hamstrings become too tight.

    Techniques

    I am going to sign up with a trainer who will do a one-day-a-week superhero workout with me. Then she’ll assign homework. She will also weigh and measure me blind. This is very important. A childhood trauma left me unable to handle being weighed. No one is more de-motivated by the scale than me. For purposes of this experiment, the trainer will record the data and keep them secret. Then, at the end, I can chart the voyage and see what worked and what didn’t.

    For diet, I’m basically going Paleo (I read a book by this guy robbwolf.com) because it avoids the food products to which I know I’m allergic. I have a process problem, however, because my wife and kids are vegetarian and cooking a lot of meat at home is not pleasant for them. However, I have carnivorous friends who are going to help.

    Blogging. As you can tell, I’m going public with this process. It’s a trick to keep me on it, regardless of success level. I also look forward to the opportunity for self-deprecating humour.

    Start Dates Pending

    I have to arrange many things, but I’m looking at March 28 to start with the last workout session being June 27, 2016. Maybe I’ll rename this to 91 Days Later.

    Next Post

  • The 13th egg: Addition of new classroom to Henry Hudson Elementary in Vancouver

    The 13th egg: Addition of new classroom to Henry Hudson Elementary in Vancouver

    This post covers an email exchange between me, private citizen and parent, and Patti Bacchus of the VSB and Mike Bernier, Minister of Education (BC)
    ————————–

    To: Patti Bacchus
    VSB Trustee

    Honourable Mike Bernier
    Minister of Education

    From: Robert Ford

    Re: Addition of new classroom to Henry Hudson Elementary in Vancouver

    Date: December 7, 2015

    I am writing as an individual parent even though my background with the PAC (past chair and current co-treasurer) has given me visibility to the issues at hand.

    At the last PAC meeting, parents were informed that a new classroom was going to be added to help with the influx of English track kindergarten students. In the previous year this was threatened, but not acted upon. During the process last year, our PAC had good visibility (much appreciated) to the options of where to put the classroom. The obvious choice is the conversion of the staff room/lounge to a classroom since that particular space used to be a classroom. However this leaves the question of where to put a teacher’s lounge.

    I can’t help but get the feeling that we’re trying to put the 13th egg into the egg carton.

    Part of the problem is that the aging facility has limitations as follows.

    1. The bathrooms are Satanic. Honestly, Beelzebub himself would hold it and find another location to go. I am aware that the PAC has asked for inspections and complained over the years to be told that the loos are adequate given the age of the building. I find this hard to imagine. I think, were the VSB head office to be moved to this school, the first order of business would be to upgrade the bathrooms. It is (at best) a double standard to have facilities for children substantially less amenable that one’s own. On a health issue, the taps don’t get up to heat quickly. Children don’t have that kind of patience. The taps are only warm when there’s been previous recent use.

    2. There is no where in the school for rainy day play. The gym can’t hold everyone. The art room, the computer room and spare space in the basement have been converted to classrooms.

    3. The field is a mess. This is an old issue and parents have been told there’s no money to fix it.

    To speed things along, I’ll intercept the usual responses. From the VSB and the Ministry, it’s time for an unusual response.

    Usual response #1 (VSB): We are the victims of chronic government under funding. We have $100 million in deferred maintenance.

    Why this doesn’t help: Assuming this is true (I’m not sure how MSP rate increases don’t come with offsetting money when the teachers’ contract is negotiated by the province.) it still doesn’t help. It’s not as if this answer lets me go home and not worry about the quality of my son’s education at Hudson.

    Usual response #2 (VSB): A lot of other schools have the same problems.

    Why this doesn’t help: I have sufficient work cut out for me looking after my own two kids. I’m going to assume that parents at other schools will be bugging you appropriately. In addition, my comparisons are limited to nearby schools. Lord Tennyson is better off than us. They still have an activity room and somehow have portables. It’s not fair.

    Usual response #3 (Ministry of Education): The provincial government is spending more than it ever has on Education. The VSB has declining enrollment in the system and needs to manage that.

    Why this doesn’t help: If there were declining enrollment where my son was going to school, I wouldn’t be writing this letter. If you are spending more on Education, why the heck are the bathrooms so dire?

    It’s now your turn. If you want parents to help fundraise for a plumber and fixtures, let me know. We already buy technology, supplies and playground equipment. It would be refreshing to know that we’re fundraising to literally save our kids’ asses.

    ————————–
    Response received from Patti the next day.

    Hi Robert – Good to hear from you. It was interesting to read this on a day that I have been out touring Vancouver schools.

    We’ve come a long way from our old convos re the potential closure of Hudson to how to add more classroom space. It’s a good example of our shifting populations and the need for the VSB to have flexibility to respond to these changes.

    I share your concerns re the sad state of the washrooms. When my kids were in primary school at Queen Mary, I sent a photo of their washrooms to the Premier to show how awful they were. Well they’re finally being addressed as part of the seismic upgrade and my kids are now 20 and 21. In my case, persistence paid off but it took a an absurdly long time and years of work to get there.

    Maintenance funding continues to be a huge problem for the VSB. The current Annual Facilities funding is approximately one sixth of what the industry (according to the Building Owners and Manager Assn) recommends for buildings of the ages and sizes we have. This year an additional routine maintenance fund was announced by the MoE and the VSB applied for $5 million in much-needed funding. We didn’t receive any.

    We have been advocated for several years for an increase in facility maintenance funding and were successful at getting unanimous support for a from the BC School Trustees Association on a motion we took forward on the matter. Unfortunately, rates of not increased at all since before I was elected for the first time, while costs have increased significantly and deferred maintenance accumulates.

    The MoE also doesn’t allocate funding for indoor play space – it is even more challenging in newer schools. Many of the older schools have basement or other space than is used on rainy days. Newer schools generally don’t.

    And if it is any comfort (and I don’t expect it to be and nor should it be) – there is not any hot water in the restrooms at the VSB head office – it’s ice cold.

    A couple of years ago a parent making a plea at a budget hearing became frustrated and told the trustees to use our “magic wands” to save programs and avoid further cuts. I can’t tell you how much I’d like one of those. In the mean time, we’re stuck with a budget we must balance and almost the lowest per-student funding in the country.

    There are several Vancouver parents who are doing some impressive advocacy work. I encourage you to send them photos of the Hudson washrooms and anything else you thing all levels of government should see. Their site is fixbced.tumblr.com. In all my years as a parent and/or trustee, what I’ve seen work is persistent and collective advocacy.

    I wish I had that wand and could give you a better response. As you know I started out as a parent advocate trying to support the work of the school board of the day through advocacy. We’ve had a lot of successes, not the least of which was convincing government to agree to seismic upgrades after our FSSS campaign from 2002-2005. It was hard work but by bringing a wide range of folks together to make a strong case, we got the commitment, although it is taking much longer to see it fulfilled than we’d ever imagined.

    My school tours today showed me there is a lot of work still to be done. Kids deserve better than what they’re getting and I will continue to advocate and do whatever else I can do to make sure they get it.

    Thanks again for your continued advocacy.

    Patti

  • 2015: Mr. Smith’s Distortion

    2015: Mr. Smith’s Distortion

    Download the PDF

    This story is in honour of my daughter’s school, which is in the middle of a seismic upgrade (due to be completed in 2017), which will also be Canada’s 150th.


    Sunday May 24, 1964
    Lighthouse Park, West Vancouver

    He could see the glow in the east; it was the pre-dawn glimmer. Exhausted, he sat on a rocky outcrop, not far from the Lighthouse. He was dirty and shivering from his exertions much further up the mountain in West Vancouver.
    Bryan’s view east to Vancouver was spectacular. He’d come down to the park and, in the dark, trudged to the shore, guided by a weak flashlight and a bright moon. He’d hoped the sunlight would literally and psychologically warm him.
    In taking a mental inventory of his actions, he realized that hiding a body in the mountains, with any reasonable hope that animals would not disturb the remains, was much more difficult than first imagined.
    What kept shooting into his mind, like a spasm, was the image of her taking that drink. Back at his apartment, Bryan had brought out all the sweet drinks for them to enjoy in bed, but it was the amaretto that did it.
    She was so perfect, so beautiful, so wonderfully naked and then – he assumed – it was the almond in the liqueur that knotted her throat. Anaphylaxis; she was dead before he could perform any kind of first aid.
    He held his head as the first rays of sunlight revealed his sweaty and dirty body. What had his options been? He was her History teacher. But it wasn’t his fault, he reasoned. No one knew where she was. Her parents were a joke – drunks who didn’t care.
    He moved to head back onto the path to his car. He had to establish his alibi, clean up the apartment, wash himself – maybe a swim on Second Beach – and carry on. He was sad. Would he ever find another?

    Friday December 8, 2017
    Basement Suite 2201 Balsam Street Vancouver
    7:30 AM

    Terry’s phone rang. Lydia’s ringtone was the Bernard Herrmann theme to 1962’s Cape Fear, which was suitably dramatic and, to Terry’s preference, obscure. And considering almost no one ever actually called a person any more, it was rare to hear.
    He sat up in bed, rubbed his eyes and answered. “Yes?”
    “Are you awake?” she asked.
    “I am now.”
    “I have a huge favour to ask.”
    “Go on.”
    “I really want to go to the dance tonight at school and I don’t want to go just with Portia and I want to go with a friend and if it’s not you what kind of friend would I be taking? I mean we are best friends, right?”
    “So, you’re worried I’ll say no.”
    “Uh, duh.”
    “What makes you want to go to a school dance now, when you used to think the whole thing was ludicrous?”
    “Well, it’s our last year. This will be the school gym’s first dance since the Rebuild, and it occurred to me that it would be sad to have never have gone to a dance in high school.”
    To say no to his oldest friend was not much of an option. Of course Terry didn’t want to show that he’d do almost anything for her.
    “Do I have to wear clothes?”
    “Yes,” she said. “Clean clothes.”
    “No special garments or accoutrements?”
    “No, it’s a semi-formal which means you just should not look like a dirt bag.”
    “I will have to do laundry.”
    “It’s a Pro D; no school; you have time. I also want you to ask Pash to escort Portia to the dance.”
    “Pash. Seriously? Why him?”
    “Portia wants to go with someone who doesn’t realistically expect to sleep with her.”
    “Ah.” Portia was the ‘it’ girl of Pentland Secondary, BFFs with Lydia, socially connected across all cliques and liked by all. She was pretty without being over the top. Pash, Terry’s friend from his elementary years, was a geeky South Asian with a kind heart but a relentless nerdiness.
    “I’m sure he’ll understand the restrictions on the offer. I’ll call him and warn him, but Portia should call herself. He might think I’m kidding.”
    “Do you want me to pick you up this evening?” Terry added.
    “No, Portia and I will make a grand entrance. You worry about Pash.”
    Terry rose from bed and started organizing laundry.

    Friday December 8, 2017
    Pentland Secondary School, Vancouver
    7 PM

    Terry arrived at the school and was looking for Lydia and Portia. He had told Pash to meet him here, but he had not shown up yet. It was a mild concern for Terry as Pash was typically on-time.
    Then Lydia and Portia arrived. They whooshed through the front doors, attempting a grand entrance, but their giggling dimmed the effect. But they looked great. Portia was always 100% fashionable and glamorously wore the seasonal LBD (Little Black Dress). Lydia was in a royal blue mid thigh dress that showed both her muscles (she was a chronic soccer/track competitor) and her curves.
    Terry saw this vision along with a memory of skinny-soaking-wet-crying-Lydia from preschool, who had taken a tumble in the water park.
    “Lydia. Portia. You both look wonderful. I am glad I actually washed before leaving the apartment.”
    Portia was a hugger. “Where’s Pash?” she asked as she squeezed the breath out of Terry.
    “Late, apparently,” said Terry. “I’ll have him executed later. He was very excited at the idea of being your companion.”
    “Let’s go check out the decorations in the gym,” said Portia.
    “I’ll hang here until Pash arrives. I’ll text him again,” said Terry.
    Terry fiddled with his phone as other people arrived for the dance. Suddenly, standing beside him was a young man dressed as an airman of the World War II era. One of Terry’s father’s obsessions, apart from beer, was World War II.
    “Wow. I had no idea this was a costume dance,” said Terry.
    “I’m Flight Lieutenant Jonathon Reynolds. I went here when I was a child. It was a lot different then.”
    “When was that?”
    “1938. Time is short,” said the Flight Lieutenant . “I need to show you something,” He grabbed Terry’s wrist.

    October 11, 1943
    Over Germany, 150 km north of Berlin

    Terry had a sense of nausea and then he realized he was crouched in a Lancaster bomber which, judging by the ridiculous noise level, was in flight.
    “What the hell?”
    “You are in my Lancaster October 11, 1943.”
    “Uh, OK. Er, why? Were these things really this loud?”
    “Listen carefully. Someone from your year, 2017, is manipulating time. It’s for evil reasons, but it gives me a chance. We’re getting close. Write this down: latitude 53.4198 and longitude 12.7383. Müritz. It took me many years to figure out the location.”
    Terry took out his phone. “Give me the numbers again.” Once he had the numbers he asked, “Is that you up in the cockpit?”
    “Yes.”
    “What is going on?”
    “I’m about to die. Your … device now has the location of me and my crew. Have someone find us and bury us properly.”
    “74 years later?”
    “Yes. Promise me you’ll find us.”
    “Uh, I promise,” said Terry. He wasn’t sure who was going to believe him when he tried to tell people that a ghost from the 1940s had told him about the location of the watery grave for a Lancaster crew.
    “Get ready,” said Flight Lieutenant Reynolds.
    “For what?”
    Anti-aircraft fire struck the Lancaster. Terry saw the pilots struck by flying metal. Metal seemed to fly everywhere, including through him. Here, he was the ghost.
    “We can go now. I’ve seen this before.”

    Friday December 3, 1965
    Pentland Secondary School, Vancouver
    7:10 PM

    They were back at the school, but in the old gym. Pentland Secondary had just completed its seismic upgrade. Therefore, from Terry’s view, this part of the school had been knocked down two years ago.
    A live band was playing “Day Tripper” by the Beatles.
    “Uh, this isn’t my … year.”
    “I know. As you likely noticed, the Lancaster went down as the sun was setting. We crashed in Müritz Lake. No one saw us. That’s why we haven’t been found.”
    Terry looked at the kids in the gym. Some were formally dressed and some were clearly edging their way towards Hippy Land.
    “Now it’s December 1965. The problem I face is you have to live through the night to release the information on your … device.”
    “It’s an iPhone.” Terry was impressed that the latitude/longitude data was still there. It seemed odd to imagine it working under such disembodied conditions. “So, this whole ‘live through the night’ statement is giving me some anxiety. Want to elaborate? And what does 1965 have to do with anything?”
    “There’s a teacher,” said Reynolds. “He likes a certain type of student in ways that are not right. Look in the corner of the gym. Just wait for that really big kid to move.”
    Terry waited for the enormous lad to move and looked. It was a teacher all right. Young, but still too old to be dancing with the student at all, let alone the way he was dancing. Too intense. Hips too close. She was short, curvy and seemed almost blank-faced. “In thrall” was an obscure science fiction-y term that came to Terry’s head.
    “Oh dear. The big student sees us,” says to Reynolds.
    The 6-foot-4 football player-sized student approached them.
    “Hi. Who’re you guys?”
    Terry reached out his hand and was surprised that he was as tangible as the big student. “I’m Terry, from the 21st century. And you?”
    “They call me Moose. I’m the bouncer. What kind of crazy talk is this?”
    “Moose? Seriously?”
    “I’m Flight Lieutenant Reynolds. We’re just passing through.” Reynolds grabbed Terry’s wrist and they were gone.

    Friday December 2, 1977
    Pentland Secondary School, Vancouver
    7:10 PM

    There was now no band playing. Big speakers were piping in taped music. Terry recognized the end of “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult.
    “Would you please tell me what the hell you’re doing?”
    When the Flight Lieutenant turned to Terry, he could tell that the pilot had aged somewhat. And his uniform was fraying.
    “That Moose fellow could see us. Interesting. He didn’t seem like the sensitive type. This is 1977. I’m trying to let you learn about this temporal knot we’re in so that you can escape.”
    “OK. That makes no sense. Why me, anyway?”
    “Good Lord, man. You are the smartest student in the school, yes? In my experience fear is only controllable through intelligence and focus.”
    The next song was “Get up and Boogie” by the Silver Convention.
    “O boy; Disco. Can we go now?”
    “Look on the dance floor,” said Reynolds. “What do you see?”
    “That same teacher. He hasn’t aged – this is 12 years later, right? – and the girl is different, but not a lot different,” said Terry.
    “He has a type, doesn’t he?”
    A young black student, who stood out from the sea of white faces (with a small mix of Asian) saw them and looked at them quizzically.
    “We have another observer,” said Reynolds. “Time to go.”

    Friday December 7, 1984
    Pentland Secondary School, Vancouver
    7:10 PM

    “It’s My Life” by Talk Talk was now on the gym speakers.
    “OK. At least we’re past Disco.” Terry was starting to become quite concerned with Reynolds. He was stooping and positively grey. “Uh, are you OK?”
    “I’m running out of the energy that I stole from Mr. Smith’s temporal distortion.”
    “Mr. Smith?”
    “Bryan Smith. Look in that same corner of the gym.”
    The same Mr. Smith from 1965, 1977 and now 1984 was dancing inappropriately with a student who was not the same as the others, but cut from the same cloth.
    “Judging by the music, this is the mid-80s,” said Terry.
    “1984.”
    “Wouldn’t that make him in his mid-forties?”
    “Aging much better than me,” said Reynolds. “But, he’s not aging at all, is he? This is because he is, somehow, warping time.”
    Reynolds noticed Terry looking around the gym more closely than before.
    “Looking for your parents?” asked Reynolds.
    “Sort of. I have low expectations. I suspect my Dad is out back smoking and drinking with his friends and my Mother is probably in a dark corner trying to remove the jeans of some helpless boy.”
    A student, in about Grade 11, stopped in front of Reynolds. “This is a totally crazy get-up, man. Pity it’s not Halloween.”
    Reynolds simply stared at him. Terry however recognized him from photographs. It was his Uncle John. Terry wanted to say something, but it was challenging to find something to say when you were looking at a dead man. Uncle John had died of an AIDS related illness in 1995.
    “And who are you? Man, you look like my Grandfather from really old pictures.”
    “I get that a lot,” said Terry.
    Uncle John was called away by another friend.
    “Was that a relative?”
    “Yep. Uncle John. Like you, he’s dead. But in his case he doesn’t know it yet.”
    Reynolds feebly grasped Terry’s wrist.

    Friday December 3, 1993
    Pentland Secondary School, Vancouver
    7:10 PM

    Reynolds looked terrible. His uniform was in tatters, like it had decayed and his skin was flaking.
    “There’s not much time,” he said. “Look in the corner.”
    The teacher, Smith, was slow dancing with another girl of that same type. So what was the count? Four? But the teacher still looked the same. Was it still the 80s? Duran Duran was coming from the speakers with “Ordinary World”. Terry remembered that was an early 90s hit. And judging from the way the kids were dressing, the Nirvana / Grunge influences were kicking in.
    “It’s 1993,” mumbled Reynolds. “That teacher in fact no longer teaches at the school. He took early retirement. The year following the discovery of a body.”
    “He killed one of them?”
    “I don’t have full knowledge of the circumstances.”
    Terry couldn’t help but listen to Simon Le Bon’s voice.

    But I won’t cry for yesterday
    There’s an ordinary world
    Somehow I have to find
    And as I try to make my way
    To the ordinary world
    I will learn to survive

         “It won’t be a very ordinary world if you don’t stop Smith,” said Reynolds. “When you return to your time, you must escape the school and track down Smith in your time and stop him. He’s warping time. You can’t collapse decades upon each other and expect no consequences. People will die.”
    “How do you collapse time on itself? What’s he got – a TARDIS?”
    “I don’t know what that is. But Smith is doing something.”
    A very intense Grunge styled student approached them.
    “Who the fuck are you guys?”
    Even Terry, who’d witnessed bad manners of all sorts both at home and at school, was taken aback at the fearlessness of this fellow. However, Terry – never short on smart-assed comebacks – said, “I’m The Pope and this is my bitch.”
    Grunge Boy, to Terry’s surprise, held his ground. “This guy looks dead and it does not look like a fucking costume.”
    “There’s no time,” croaked Reynolds, “Go back and stop Smith. Remember the Lake Müritz coordinates.”
    “How do I get back?”
    Reynolds abruptly turned toward Terry and, in full view of Grunge Boy, revealed his head wound from the Lancaster crash. “Go!”
    Terry was so shocked and sickened, he fell over backward.

    Friday December 8, 2017
    Pentland Secondary School, Vancouver
    7:15 PM

    Two students helped Terry up. “What’re you doing on the floor?” one asked.
    “Uh, I was tired,” said Terry. He looked about, relieved to be seeing his modern, overly glassed, school and not a past version. He grabbed his phone and found the entry in the Notes app. Lake Müritz 53.4198 12.7383.
    “Damn, damn, damn,” he said and ran off in the direction of the new gym. “Lydia!” he yelled.
    She heard him and she and Portia came into the hallway.
    “What’s with you?”
    “We gotta go. We gotta go now. There’s no time to explain.”
    Terry grabbed their hands and pulled them to run. Unsurprisingly they resisted. “What the hell?”
    Then there was a deafening crunch. The windows of the school all turned black. The walls shook, as if being compressed. Then there was the screaming.
    Terry watched as two students ran for the exit. When they opened the door and stepped outside, it was if they were suddenly incinerated, but with no smoke and no smell. The first was a boy, who was mostly out the door, howled and then quickly fell to pieces like a charcoal sculpture. The girl, his date, fell back into the school where others watched her writhe for a moment while the darkness from her arm and leg – those limbs that had made contact with the outside – grew to cover the rest of her body. She turned to ash.
    “Holy shit!” said Portia.
    The few remaining supervisors and students huddled against the wall, away from the doors.
    “Is this an earthquake?” asked Lydia.
    “I know what this is, but you won’t believe me,” said Terry.
    In the wall next to them, a doorway opened. It was the size of a double door but shaped more like a cave entrance. It was pure white light, in contrast to the blackness showing from the windows to the outside. Coming from the light, Terry could hear the 1965 band playing “Day Tripper”. Then the band suddenly stopped and the now familiar crunching noise could be heard. Without hesitation Terry stepped through.

    Now back in 1965 he scanned the gym, which was now in the throes of its own pandemonium. However, in the corner Smith and the girl student still danced, oblivious. Terry started to walk toward them.
    “You!” Moose grabbed Terry by the shirt. “What the hell have you done?”
    “It’s not me. Let go.”
    The next thing Moose knew was that a 5-foot-7 girl in a blue dress and bare feet was executing a Taekwondo Jump Spin Kick that landed the heel of her foot on his chin. Terry was released and Lydia said, “Is this ??”
    “Yes, it’s the old gym. It’s 1965.”
    Moose rose to his feet with rage in his eyes.
    “Listen. Wait. It’s Mr. Smith. The teacher. We have to get him and his … girlfriend over there back to our time.”
    Moose simply glowered.
    The gym ceiling was starting to drop tiles on them.
    “Help us grab them and we go back through the light. Please please,” said Terry.
    That teacher?” asked Moose.
    “Yes. The pilot guy I was with told me. You remember him?”
    Moose stomped across the gym floor and grabbed the oblivious pair by the shirt and blouse respectively and marched them over.
    “How do you know this guy?” asked Lydia.
    “I don’t. I saw him when I was here before. We have to get out of here then I can explain.”
    Terry led Moose, his prisoners and Lydia through the portal.

         “OK, what was that?” asked Portia.
    Moose let go of his prisoners and gaped at the new school.
    “And who the hell are these people?” yelled Portia.
    “Portia, Lydia listen. These people are from 1965. The older one is a teacher. He’s causing this problem. We are being compressed by at least 5 different eras. Can you talk to the girl and try to get her name? If I’m right, this teacher – he’d be in is late 70s today – is doing this.”
    “Are you insane?” asked Lydia.
    “No,” said Moose. “You have a hell of kick girl. Some kind of kung-fu?”
    “Taekwondo.”
    “I saw him in my time. What year is this anyway?”
    “2017. It doesn’t matter,” said Terry. The flight lieutenant told me we had to stop him on the outside. But we can’t get out.
    “That teacher is a scumbag,” said Moose.
    “Why?”
    “I think you girls will understand when a teacher has his pets. Girl pets.”
    “Ewww,” said Portia and Lydia at the same time.
    Down the hall, another white shimmering cave-shaped portal opened.
    Terry ran to it. He heard the strains of Talk Talk and walked right through.
    “What the hell?” said Lydia.
    “I’ll go get him,” said Moose. “You guys watch this pair.”
    Lydia and Portia stared at 1965 Smith as he pulled the girl student to him and started slow dance to music no one but he heard.
    “I think I’m gonna barf,” said Portia.

         In 1984, Terry ran toward the corner of the gym where 1984 Smith and his choice of student were dancing. Moose was close on his heels, yelling, “Wait for me!”
    The roof in this decade was also coming apart and students were screaming running for exits, where many were meeting painful disintegration.
    Terry was happy to have Moose’s help. 1984 Smith pushed back. Moose clocked him hard in the face and Terry grabbed the hand of the girl.
    As they turned to head back to the portal, Terry’s Uncle John stood in their way.
    Talk Talk’s “It’s my Life” was still playing.
    “If you don’t want your face busted, get out of the way,” said Moose.
    “If you want to live, come through that portal. Pick one,” said Terry, “Now.

         In 2017, Uncle John said, “Wow, nice layout.” At that moment there was another crunching sound and everyone was ducking for cover. The building groaned. Terry noticed that the portals were decreasing in size. He hadn’t thought about it before, but he couldn’t help but think it would be bad if anyone touched the portal mouth edges.
    Lydia was staring at Uncle John. “Is this … ”
    “Yes,” said Terry. “It is. Uncle John, please meet my friend Lydia.”
    “Uncle John?” he asked.
    “Yes. You are the younger brother of my father, Sam. It’s 2017 now so that explains why you are younger than me. See the teacher clones over there? A 2017 version of them is controlling all this somehow. I was supposed to get out of this building before it all came apart.”
    “That’s nuts,” said Uncle John. “The guy we pulled out looks like Mr. Smith, but is a lot younger.”
    “Terry,” said Lydia. “Tell me you have a plan.”
    “I don’t have a plan; I have a theory. If 2017 Smith is outside controlling this, parts of him – think Voldemort in Harry Potter – are inside these semi comatose younger versions.”
    “You used a Harry Potter reference,” said Portia.
    “Desperate times,” said Terry. “I figure if we gather them together, we might be able to sort something out.”
    “Did you know that Mr. Smith was messing with students?” asked Moose. He was talking to Uncle John.
    “Uh. Rumours for sure.”
    “Do you know that girl we brought back from 1984?” asked Moose.
    “I know her to see her.”
    “Hey Portia,” said Terry. “I have a favour to ask. Can you update Uncle John here on HIV safety standards for the late 20th and early 21st centuries?”
    “Health Class to the rescue!” said Portia.
    “Er, uh,”
    “Don’t be embarrassed, Uncle John,” said Terry. “Your life might depend on it.”
    “Also, move the girls away from The Smiths,” said Terry. “Portia, when you’re done with Uncle John, can you talk to the girls and see what you can find out? Like, who the heck are they?”
    As Portia took John away, Lydia asked, “Aren’t you worried that you’ll mess with the timeline?”
    “I thought about that and, since I think The Smiths here have done temporal damage already, I don’t see how I can make it worse. And, if the universe gives me a chance to save a blood relative from a disgusting death, I don’t see why I should not embrace the chance. However, this will all be meaningless if we can’t figure a way out. I’m assuming all cell phones are not working, not just mine. What about networks?”
    Left in the immediate area were Fernando and Stefan, grades 11 and 10 respectively, who were reasonably tek-savvy. By examining phones, breaking into the school office, and hacking an aging PC, they realized that the clocks on all the devices were constantly jumping around within a 12-hour period for Friday December 8, 2017, the day in 2017 people thought of as today. With the clocks constantly changing, they only had a couple of minutes at a time to use the Internet before the signal reset.
    Portia provided names for the girls from 1965 and 1984, which were Dani and Samantha. When they did Google searches for them, there was very little. No LinkedIn profiles, nothing on Facebook. They tried an obituary search. Samantha from 1984 looked like she’d passed away in the 1990s. The reference was very short but it seemed to indicate substance abuse.
    Down the hall, Terry heard a voice calling “Hey, another portal opened!”
    “What’s the music like?”
    “Disco. Gross.”
    “OK, I have to go.”
    “Wait,” said Lydia. “You have to figure a way out of this. I can go.”
    “No, no, no,” said Terry.
    “Why not?”
    “OK. Uh, you know when I told you that I didn’t apply to those mini schools with the upgraded math and science programs because my parents wouldn’t sign the applications? I figure you know by now that I was lying, right?”
    “Yes. I had no doubt you could get around that if you wanted.”
    “Did you ever figure out why?”
    Lydia looked blankly at him.
    “Until we met in pre-school, I had never felt safe. And, I have never met anyone else I feel safe with. So I went to school where you went to school. If you had moved to Mongolia, I’d have moved too.”
    “So, you’re telling me you love me?”
    “Er. Yeah, I guess so.”
    Lydia slapped him really hard. “This is not the time to tell me. This whole in-the-face-of-death confession is so Pirates of the Caribbean. And you hate those movies.”
    “Ow.”
    “I’m going, and when I get back we’re having a proper conversation.”
    “Moose, take Lydia to the 70s. Make sure nothing happens to her.”
    “Yes boss,” said Moose.
    “And look for the lone black guy there. He saw me and the Flight Lieutenant and looked like he might be able to help.”
    Lydia and Moose were gone. “I pity the poor idiots who try to get in their way.”
    “Fernando … Stefan. Do we know which device has the best and longest connection to the Internet? I’d like to be able to call for help even though I’m not sure who to contact and how to describe this.”
    Another portal opened behind Terry. He could hear Duran Duran. “That’s the 90s,” said Terry.
    “But it’s Duran Duran,” said Stefan.
    “Trust me on temporal distortions and musicology,” said Terry.
    Another crunch and groan happened. All the portals started to shrink and the building shook. Cracks started to appear in the walls.
    “Uncle John! We’re headed to the 90s. Stefan and Fernando, you are on guard duty.”

         As soon as Terry and John stepped through the portal, Terry realized things were worse than he had seen previously. The darkness that was turning people into ash was crashing through the walls. Terry grabbed John and they ran toward 1993 Smith and his female victim.
    Suddenly the music changed. The PA switched to Cold Play’s “Clocks”.
    That’s not 1993, Terry thought. More like mid 2000s.
    Then an entire other copy of the school gym crashed through a wall at an impossible angle, dumping students from 2005 onto the floor of the 1993 gym.
    They grabbed the still dazed 1993 Smith and girl and started running to the portal. Grunge Boy saw them. “You again!”
    “Come on!” yelled Terry, “We have a way out!”
    A friend of Grunge Boy followed but as they hustled through the portal, it contracted and the friend’s shoulder was hit by the portal’s perimeter. He screamed and started to fade to ash. Grunge Boy was stunned, half way through the portal. Terry and John grabbed his arm and hauled him through.

         “What’s your name?” asked Terry.
    “Seb … Sebastian.” His senses were on overload. The new school structure was disorienting and the group of three identical Mr. Smiths was not helping.
    “Welcome to 2017.”
    “Hi sweetheart,” said Portia, grabbing the new girl’s hand and leading her away, “Let me just introduce you to some girls you have a lot in common with.”
    “Mr. Smith, I’d like you to sit over here please,” said Fernando.
    “Terry, that’s a lot of bad noises coming from the door there,” said Portia.
    “The other time zones are literally coming to pieces. Where’s Lydia and Moose?”
    “Not back yet.”
    Terry trotted down the hall. He could not imagine 1977 being better off than 1993. He noticed the portal to 1965 was nearly collapsed.
    He stared at the portal. Go in? Or wait?
    Then he heard voices.
    “Stay still you sonofabitch.”
    Through the portal came Moose and the black student, whose name was Leon. Moose came through wrestling with 1977 Smith. His female victim of the era was pushed through by Lydia and, as she was passing through, another compression crunch occurred that cracked the plaster in the ceiling. The collapse caused part of the portal to scrape against Lydia’s ankle.
    “No!” Terry pulled Lydia through.
    “Shit that hurts,” she said. She fell to the ground. Her foot was gone.
    Terry sat on the floor with her, holding her tightly. “No no no.” The darkness started creeping up her leg. “You can’t go; you can’t go; you can’t.”
    “Terry listen,” she said. “You can figure this out. If that freak is using time … so can you.” She changed to what looked like charcoal.
    In another three seconds Terry was holding only ash.
    By this point, Moose and Leon had restrained the rather aggressive 1977 Smith.
    Terry stood and faced those around him. Portia was an utter mess, sobbing. Terry was homicidal. He leapt at the first Mr. Smith (1977 version) and started punching repeatedly. Then Terry shoved the teacher away from him in disgust. 1977 Smith slammed into two other Smiths. A flash of light blinded everyone and when eyes adjusted, there was only one Smith.
    “You morons,” said Smith. “Do you think this makes any difference?”
    The combined Smith was more coherent and quite angry.
    “Shut up you crack-licking maggot,” said Terry, which he followed with, “Moose, hoof him in the balls, please.”
    A moment later, Mr. Smith was writhing in agony.
    “If he tries to get up, kick him again,” said Terry.
    Sebastian, AKA Grunge Boy, approached Terry and said “You don’t swear, but you are fucking mean.”
    “When I want to hear good swearing, all I do is ask my parents for money.”
    “This Mr. Smith,” said Sebastian, “from my perspective, retired last year, looking a lot older.” “So?”
    “It was the year following the discovery of a girl that had been missing from the school since 1964. A girl who looked a lot like these girls here.”
    The four girls, who were 15 and 16, were more animated then when initially rescued, but showed all the signs of survivors of abuse, with a haunted look and skittish body language.
    “What was her name?” asked Moose.
    “Pauline … um, something French,” said Sebastian. “They found her in a makeshift grave in West Van, north of Lighthouse Park. New housing project uncovered her.”
    “Brazeau?” asked Moose.
    “Yeah.”
    “You bastard,” Moose lifted Bryan Smith from the ground, slammed him against a wall and put his arm against his throat. The school started to shake and plaster was falling.
    “It was an accident,” the teacher gasped.
    “And I suppose she buried herself in that grave,” said Sebastian.
    “Put him down,” said Terry. “I don’t think killing this, er, incarnation of this scumbag is going to help us get out of here.”
    “No one gets out of here; this goes on forever,” said Smith.
    The black student from 1977 walked in between Terry and Smith and guided Terry away. “Hi. I say ignore the weird veiled threats from the psycho, OK? My name is Leon.”
    Leon then beckoned to Portia. “Hey girl, what’s your name?”
    “Portia. Did you say Leon?”
    “Yeah. Now you two seem to be in charge, despite it all, and I’d like to help. You certainly have had a trauma. And, Terry, you’re the guy I saw with that WWII guy, right?”
    “Yeah. Huh.”
    “I’m positive, Leon, I know you. What’s your last name?” asked Portia.
    “Cameron. I’ve got two first names for a first and last name.”
    “Portia, you’re right, it’s him.”
    “Him, what?” asked Leon.
    “Nevermind,” said Terry. “We’re running out of time. Let me just tell you that same sex marriage rights are legalized in Canada in the 2000s. So your upcoming activism won’t be wasted. Assuming we can fix this.”
    “Don’t be a tease,” said Leon.
    “I’m not in the teasing mood,” said Terry “I’m in a figure-this-out-before-we-all-die mood.”
    Then Terry took a couple of seconds to look at Portia. He’d always liked Portia because she never took her popularity for granted. And of course because Lydia liked her. Her makeup was a mess from crying and as she looked at him, she was welling up again.
    “Where’s Pash?” Terry asked suddenly.
    “Who’s Pash?” said Leon.
    “Pash was supposed to be Portia’s date. He didn’t make it to the school.”
    “What kind of name is Pash?”
    “It’s a nickname,” said Portia. “He’s South Asian and has a long complicated name but his mother made a fortune making and distributing pashminas. (I have a few; they’re gorgeous.) But, someone,” she was looking at Terry, “nicknamed him Pash.”
    “What if he didn’t come to the dance because he was busy saving our lives?” asked Terry.
    “If that was the case, I’d forgive him for standing me up.”
    “Stefan! Fernando! I have an idea.”
    The two younger boys ran toward Terry.
    “From that desktop computer, we still have network access?”
    “Yes,” they said.
    “But still the clock is changing,” said Terry.
    “Yes,” said Fernando. “It seems to be jumping around faster.”
    “What I want to do is record a short video on my phone and then email it to Pash’s phone.”
    “If we compressed the video file, it might get to him before the clock changed,” said Fernando.
    “We have to pick a clock time after 9 AM so that he has time to help us,” said Terry.
    “Got it. You record something short and we’ll get ready.”
    “Portia,” said Terry, “help me.”
    Terry set the phone to record them selfie-style and he started. “Pash. There’s a problem. We’re stuck in the school. An ex-teacher named Bryan Smith – he’s in his late 70s – is creating a time distortion that’s killing us. I know that sounds crazy, but the school is being destroyed.” Terry briefly panned the phone’s lens around the mess behind him. “Lydia is already dead.
    Portia started to cry.
    “Find Bryan Smith. Bryan spelled with a Y. Make him stop whatever he’s doing. And don’t come to the school.”
    “Be careful,” said Portia. “The guy is … bad. We think he murdered a student named Pauline Brazeau in 1964.” She started to wipe her eyes.
    “Remember: Find Smith. Stop him. Don’t come to the school,” said Terry. “And don’t fuck this up.”
    He stopped the recording.
    Terry handed the phone to Fernando. “Let me know when you compress the file.”
    “Wow, dude, you swore,” said Sebastian.
    Terry turned to him. “I’m so glad you’re happy. Pash has known me for years and has heard me swear, like, twice. The risk is that he’ll think this video is a prank.”
    “Oh.”
    “Yes, ‘oh’.”
    “File’s compressed!”
    Terry walked into the room where the computer was. Fernando showed him the file folder. Since he had to use webmail, he’d have to log in, attach the file and send it very fast. He watched the rapidly changing clock. When it read 9:12 AM, his fingers flew over the keyboard and he pressed send.
    “Now what?”
    “No idea.”

    Friday December 8, 2017
    #22 Bus, Vancouver
    9:15 AM

    Pash was looking at his phone and saw a new email from Terry. He had his headset on already, so he watched the video. Once, twice, then three times.
    Pash got off the bus. He had never seen Terry so scared and, despite Terry’s tendency to fool around, he didn’t pick up any sense of fun in the video. No vibe of a prank. Plus, he swore.
    At a nearby coffee shop, Pash pulled out his tablet computer and connected to the Wi-Fi. Time to research Bryan Smith.
    For the next three hours, Pash did deep searches of all sites that he could think of. Mr. Smith had a very light Internet presence. He researched Pauline Brazeau, which was an unsolved missing person’s case of a Pentland Secondary student. On a couple of social media sites there were references to a predator teacher, but it was vague. Smith had retired before the Internet had gone big, which reduced his online footprint. He was, apparently, married. A notion that struck Pash as odd given the circumstances.
    In the end all he had was a location. Smith’s residence was now Vancouver Senior Terraces, which was within walking distance of the school.

    Friday December 8, 2017
    Vancouver Senior Terraces
    3:15 PM

    Pash quietly entered the facility. He was starting to feel silly. If it wasn’t for the feeling of authenticity from the video, he would have given up by now and declared it a prank. However, Pash was also seriously curious. Could some guy in a senior’s home be manipulating time?
    He had bought a poinsettia to make him look like he was a legitimate visitor and quietly located the room. He placed the poinsettia on the tray-table that would later hold Smith’s dinner.
    The decor was freaky.
    It looked like something from the recent Dr. Strange movie. There was a pillowing canopy over the bed, which felt like a tapestry. All over the walls were motifs from many cultures, some which Pash did not recognize. There was a constant low chiming. It reminded Pash of Buddhist meditation chimes, but the sound was warping as it played, like a Doppler effect. There of course was incense, coming from a vaporizer, but it smelled off to Pash. Mounted on the wall was a large crystal, with a blue light emitting from it that was shining on the face of the 77-year-old Bryan Smith.
    Although the man did not look well, but was serenely lying on the bed. In contrast to the Sumerian, Hindu and Greek images, there was a Haida Dream Catcher dangling over his head. His eyes were rapidly moving under closed lids.
    Pash did not know what to do. “Stop Smith,” Terry had said. “Stop what?” Pash muttered, “being a New Age freak with no sense of cultural consistency?”
    “Who are you?”
    Pash spun around to see what could only be described as a Scary Old White Lady. The lines in her face told a story of misery. Her scowl would make a full-grown gorilla cry.
    The fact that this was probably Smith’s wife did nothing to reduce his fear.
    Worse, when Pash had swung around, his backpack had knocked the poinsettia onto Smith in his bed.
    “What have you done?”
    “Oh shit, let me help.”
    As Pash tried to pick up the poinsettia and the dirt, he knocked the Dream Catcher off its string. Smith’s wife started screaming. Smith himself started convulsing.
    “Get out of the way!”
    Pash moved, saw the glowing crystal and had a moment of pure intuition. He jumped up, grabbed the glowing crystal and ran. If anything was causing Terry’s trouble, it was the freaky blue glowing crystal with no sign of a power source.
    Pash had never run so fast in his life. Within eight blocks, he was by the water. Panting, he sat on a park bench and looked at English Bay on a cold pre winter day. From inside his coat, he pulled out the crystal. Its glow was fading and turning to a dull blue.
    “If this doesn’t qualify for Terry, I’m going to kill him myself.”
    Then a calm darkness overcame Pash.

    Friday December 8, 2017
    Pentland Secondary School, Vancouver
    Time Unknown

    Terry paced the hall. It had been five minutes since the email was sent. Two compressions had occurred and more pieces of ceiling structure fell. Smith sat and scowled at them. Moose watched, foot ready.
    “How’re we supposed to know if that mail you sent worked?”
    It occurred to Terry that Moose would have been a student before the term email had been coined.
    “No idea,” Terry replied.
    Then Smith started to convulse.
    “What the …” said Moose.
    “Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy,” said Sebastian.
    Smith was starting to turn blue, but not just as a result of choking. His body and his clothes were turning blue.
    Then the hallways at the end of their sightline turned utterly black. It was not just lights going out.
    Terry turned to Moose. “If you get back to 1965, you stop this bastard. Do what you have to do. We can’t let him do this to these girls. It doesn’t matter that we might change history or I might never exist as a result of you doing something. He has to go. For decades no one stepped up. No one protected them when everyone had an obligation to help.”
    Terry and Moose looked over their shoulders. They were watching people being engulfed in darkness. Sebastian, Portia, the girl victims, Uncle John, Fernando, Stefan and Leon … all swallowed up.
    Terry and Moose shook hands, said “good luck” and it was done.

    Friday December 8, 2017
    Basement Suite 2201 Balsam Street Vancouver
    9:15 AM

    Terry’s phone rang. Lydia’s ringtone, Cape Fear, caused him to sit bolt upright and grab his phone. “Lydia? Are you all right?”
    “I was going to ask you the same thing.”
    “The school. Temporal distortions; you went to 1977.”
    “Yes.”
    “But … it’s the morning of all that.”
    “I’m coming over. We need to talk.” And she hung up.
    Terry put on clothes and decided to check his phone. Latitude 53.4198 and longitude 12.7383 Müritz was stored in the notes.
    His phone rang; it was Pash. “Hey,” said Terry.
    “Hey you, man. What the hell was that? I woke up remembering something happening at a time today that hasn’t happened yet and you sending me this fucked up video.”
    “You still have it.”
    “Yeah I still have it. It’s messed up stuff, but I have it.”
    “Lydia’s coming over. You come over too.”
    “What do I do about this crystal?”
    “What crystal?”
    “What do you mean – what crystal? Jeezus I’m coming over.”
    “That’s what I told you.” And they hung up.
    “Terry!” yelled his mother from the other room. “Your idiot Uncle John is here.”
    At least my mother is still a total bitch, thought Terry.
    Into his room came Uncle John. He was older, but very alive.
    “You remembered what Portia said.”
    “Hard to forget.”
    “What do you remember?”
    “Everything, but as a dream, basically. I’ve been waiting for this day for a chance to thank you.”
    “What about Mom and Dad?”
    “Sadly, they’re still assholes. Bred to the bone.”
    Terry realized he had a dual set of memories. One life with Uncle John and one without.
    “Terry!” yelled his Mother. “Lydia and Portia are at the door. What the hell is going on?
    “Send them in!”
    “Who the hell are you?” they heard in the distance. There was yet another person at the door with further commotion. “Pash! Take your goddamn shoes off.”
    Lydia and Portia came into Terry’s room. Lydia and Terry hugged. Portia approached Uncle John. “It’s you,” she said.
    “Yes, aged, but me. You I also have to thank you.” And Uncle John hugged Portia.
    They all felt the presence of a large lumbering man with a cane, aged about 70, enter the room. “This is quite the reunion.”
    “Moose,” said Terry.
    “That’s Mr. Livingstone to you, kid.”
    “I never heard your real name.”
    Terry looked at Moose’s damaged leg. It looked like an old injury. “What happened?”
    At this point Pash entered the room and saw everyone.
    Moose limped over and shook Pash’s hand. “You must be Pash. I assume you got Terry’s message.”
    “Holy cow. Who’re you?”
    “Pash, just tell us what happened,” said Terry.
    Pash recounted his visit to the senior’s home and showed them the crystal he stole.
    “But this hasn’t happened,” said Pash.
    “According to my studies,” said Moose, “this is a classic paradox caused by me. Our friend Mr. Smith was unmoved when the police found Pauline’s body, based on an anonymous tip. (One day I’ll bore you with how long it took me to find Pauline’s body.) Anyway, he showed no signs of remorse. The police could not make the connection.”
    Portia was scanning through search results on her phone and blurted out, “Smith died in 1966. Car crash.”
    Moose patted his bad leg. “Yeah, that hurt a lot.”
    “You were … ” said Terry.
    “The other driver,” said Moose. “Looks like you won’t need to go to that senior’s home, today Pash.”
    The entire room, except Uncle John who knew all this, stared at Moose.
    “It’s OK,” said Uncle John. “He became a social worker.”
    “Hey,” said Moose, “I nearly forgot.” He pulled out an iPhone 7 and punched in a few numbers. He then pointed the screen on which Leon and Sebastian – both appropriately older – were waving. “Hi guys! It’s great to see you,” they called out.
    Everyone said hi and cheered.
    “Are you ready for the party tonight?” asked Leon.
    “Haven’t told them yet,” said Moose. “Guys, we’re having a kind of family reunion.”
    “Not at the school,” said Terry.
    “Good lord no. I’ve been saving up for over 50 years. We dine like kings tonight. Plus I figure you’ll end up with severe PTSD if you go near the place tonight.”
    They sorted out the details of where they would meet later and, eventually, Terry got them out of the apartment. He said he needed to figure out how to tell the German government to locate a sunken Lancaster bomber in Lake Müritz. Lydia remained.
    “Hey Lydia,” said Terry. “Maybe we should go somewhere to talk? Can I buy you breakfast?”
    “Yes and Yes,” she said.

  • Heart chilling Air Canada Christmas Tale

    Heart chilling Air Canada Christmas Tale

    On our flight to Toronto the inflight entertainment system and controls for reading lights as well as controls for J class seats were off.

    Due to the time of year and cost I wrote a letter. On a barf bag. Other factors included:

    • The fact the chief steward was not allowed to do anything in flight re catering
    • The fact the little promo codes handed out would force me to make individual bookings next time (if there is one) for each of us.
    • We’d already been held up at the gate due to another technical issue making us leave late
    • And they messed with our schedule back in October, forcing us to leave later, which I had to wait on hold for 40 minutes to sort out.

    BarfBag2

    ————
    Dec 21, 2014

    Dear Captain,

    The issues on this aircraft are completely unacceptable. Compensation for future travel is lame (esp @ $1000 per ticket). I have two soon-to-be VERY bored children. My suggestion at this point is to at least offer free meals and real drinks. I am not willing to wait until I get to a website to complain to a faceless machine. Due to the heat build-up in the cabin, the fact this is written on a barf bag should retain suitable symbolism.

    Thanks,

    Robert 26H

  • 2014: E3

    2014: E3

    Download PDF

    December 24, 2017

    The fact that it is Christmas Eve is technically an accident, but the Christmas traditions of peace and salvation were never more desirable than now.

    I am taking pen to paper. A novel idea in this high tech era, but we are under communications blackout in preparation for launch in two hours. I also feel the need to put this story down. I figure if you are seeing this in electronic format, someone (or something) found it and transcribed it. Regardless of the outcome, I won’t be putting this on a computer.

    I belong to an organization called the World Underground (WU), which I hope you’ve never heard of. After the first nuclear bomb test (July 16, 1945 in New Mexico for you history buffs) the Allies realized they had a monster on their hands (i.e. possible nuclear war) and started digging. Massive bunkers were built in four locations with a history of seismic activity. Two are in North America and the other two are in Europe. I’ve only ever seen two and I have no idea where the others are.

    Self-containment, self-sufficiency and secrecy were the driving thoughts for the WU. By the 1950s the structures were in place and in the 1960s, recruiting began to gather people with the right skills and attitudes to be part of the WU. Our community was to be the survival cross section group of humanity in the case of nuclear annihilation. In the 1970s, when I was 17, I officially died, and left my life behind. I was a brainiac in the emerging microprocessor field. At first it was tough, but the work was so engrossing that I adjusted well. Plus, it’s not like we didn’t get out. My year in France was amazing – But this is not a memoir.

    The Copperheads are what is important. In the 1950s there was an increase in UFO sightings around the Nevada and New Mexico area. This was attributed to fanciful imaginations and increased air traffic globally. However, the Statistics group of the WU was not convinced, so a WU special team spent time examining this. (Paranoia about the Soviet Union was super high so no anomalies were ignored.)

    Much to the WU’s surprise, our investigative team retrieved a sample of an alien body from a crash site in Ely, Nevada and brought it back to the bunker. Our secrecy had been preserved, but we had a quandary. We had proof of alien life, but no idea what to do about it. The WU’s thought process was “if these creatures can travel between planets and stars, the estimated energy from their propulsion systems could vaporize us in a day.” Very little exists in the way of alien artifacts. From what we can gather, the material self-destructs or is cleaned up by the Copperheads themselves. Much to my annoyance, no X-Files style of reverse engineering of alien tech has ever been possible.

    By the way, the aliens are called Copperheads because we think they have a copper-based blood/circulatory system and we think they have metallic shells (no idea if it’s natural or an add-on), kind of like turtles. This is all based on the one sample as we’ve never seen one alive. We infer their activities from UFO sightings and alleged crashes.

    The WU felt that, considering the aliens have worked so hard to conceal themselves,

    1. They were on Earth because they were tourists — something like eco-tourists wanting to leave a small footprint
    2. Were doing research using a duck-blind approach, or
    3. Were scouting for future colonization.

    All three concepts have a creepiness factor to them, but the WU decided that watching the watchers would yield more information than any overt activities.

    There is pre-1950s data that might indicate they were on Earth far earlier, but the data tells us that it was after the Trinity bomb, we earthlings really caught their attention.

    My job, that started back in the 70s, was to leverage and advance computing technology and to tap into existing data to see if we could learn more about the Copperheads. As the Earth became more and more covered with cameras, broadcasts and surrounded by satellites, we wondered if the Copperheads had to improve how they hid. The big prize of course was figuring out if they had a mothership or some indication of where their home world was.

    In 2014 we were distracted by Ebola. It burst into a crisis in west Africa and the WU was concerned on two levels. The world response was sluggish and the ability for the virus to infect and kill health care workers was nasty. The WU’s inherent paranoia about world-ending events drew its attention to Ebola. Ironically, despite being a secret organization to preserve humanity, no one in the WU actually wanted to be the last humans standing.

    During the Ebola crisis, we recorded an increase in Copperhead style UFO sightings in west Africa, which was not a traditional place for them to visit. We started to look more at the data because, due to the chaos of Ebola, we did not trust it.

    Then in mid-2015, just when Ebola itself seemed to be under control, E2 emerged. E2 was Ebola transmitted cold-style through respiratory illness. Only a handful of people had resistance to this and a whole new crisis in west Africa erupted. With it being far easier to transmit the disease, air travel was restricted. Once again we recorded a spike in Copperhead activity. What made the relentless health crisis in Africa of interest to the Copperheads?

    The WU’s microbiology and virology group brought hypochondria and paranoia together in an intense way, but that didn’t stop them from obtaining and analyzing a sample of E2. Their conclusion was that it had not evolved spontaneously, it had been helped. During Ebola, sections of Africa were tightly cordoned off. Two E2 samples from two isolated sections of Africa were exactly the same. Spontaneous mutation was never that tidy. Our microbiologists were convinced E2 had been modified in a lab.

    Making things really crazy was the fact that someone (our intel suggested mercenaries out of Saudi Arabia) dropped off E2 infected dead bodies into the heart of the so-called Islamic State conflict in Syria and Iraq. These bright bulbs who thought that up did not realize that E2 is a non-discriminatory virus infecting anyone regardless of who they fight for.

    So, as our biology groups tackled the E2 virus, the technology group convinced the WU leadership that we had to look directly for the connection between the Copperheads and E2. The coincidence of their activity and Ebola and E2 was too unlikely not to investigate. The entire organization was starting to worry our bunker would not be used to preserve humanity from nuclear war, but rather a pandemic.

    My team had built thousands of micro-drones which were packed with sensors and the ability to self-dissolve in the case of malfunction. If caught, they would not last long and leave no useful trace. We wanted to deploy these in west Africa to see if we could catch a glimpse of what the Copperheads were up to. I personally felt they were responsible, but I had no evidence. By the time we had our network of hidden surveillance drones in place, the world panic around E2 was so great that west Africa had been virtually abandoned and no one was watching, except us.

    When E3 emerged, had we not caught the footage on our own equipment, we would have likely disbelieved the recordings. The last of what we assumed were E2 infected patients were sliding into comas. Once their core temperatures and pulses dropped to 32 C and 30 bpm, they showed signs of a brain haemorrhage. Shortly after, they would get up and start walking as if in a trance. They shuffled seemingly without effort to the nearest settlement and started attacking people, many of whom were already sick, and biting off chunks of their flesh.

    E3 patients weren’t reanimated corpses or anything, but even if we could magically cure the virus, the various organs were so calcified, that survival was virtually zero. Viruses, like all living things, look for a way to survive through passing genes. However, sending “zombies” to go chomp on other people seemed more like psychological warfare than an effective means to transmit disease. These poor people now wandering the African landscape were right out of our worst horror movie induced nightmares.

    We coordinated with a WU unit in Europe to obtain a sample of an E3 patient – all done with robots and remote vehicles. It was a challenging bit of lab work. We wanted to see what E3 patients were made of, and we had antiviral tests we wanted to perform. This was insanely overt for the WU, but we were quite convinced if the E3 virus didn’t kill us all, the subsequent panic would.

    Over the years, one of the thought problems about the Copperheads was “What did they eat? Did they bring all the food they needed with them? How long would that last?”

    Our cameras once again found out. After all these years it was almost a thrill to see a Copperhead in plain view. They did look like metallic turtles with six legs. Four were for locomotion and the middle two look like tool handlers. However, the context of this discovery removed any excitement – the Copperheads started eating the E3 patients. Only our cameras were covering this as the Copperheads started in the most abandoned part of Africa. To bring our collective distress to the maximum, after eating two or three E3 patients, the Copperheads gave birth. Baby Copperheads are not cute. But they are hungry.

    It had taken them a long time to reveal it, but clearly colonization was the Copperheads’ goal. One of the many imponderable questions revolved around whether they knew we were watching. Did they see our drones? Did they not care? If they knew we were watching, they had no fear or assumed they had no reason to fear us.

    So, the WU – the think tank bunker meant to preserve mankind from a self-inflicted demise – now faced an existential dilemma. Attempt a counterattack or stay hidden and hope for the best. Collectively, the feeling was that we could not stand by and do nothing. We activated our backup bunkers and prepared to abandon what had been home for decades. At the same time, we prepared thousands of drones with a special antiviral spray.

    We had a double feint in mind. The drones would deploy an anti-viral that might cure E3 patients, only of course to let them die naturally and rapidly. This was the least likely outcome. The anti-viral was more likely to work on some E2 patients prior to succumbing to E3. Our hope is that the Copperheads would assume we were trying to save people. However, within the anti-viral was a compound designed to spoil and/or poison the Copperheads’ food supply. Again, huge assumptions were made here. Specifically had we inferred correctly from our 1950s era Copperhead sample what their nutritional needs were? The follow-on assumption was that the compounds that E3 patients had developed were the food source.

    Ideally the Copperheads would eat E3 patients, and either derive no nutrition or, better yet, die from food poisoning. Alien salmonella if you will.

    Look at the time. Five minutes to launch. Soon thousands of drones from all four WU bunkers will emerge and do their work. Despite our intricate network of launch bays, we assume the Copperheads will figure out where we are.

    In a couple of hours it will also be Christmas Day. The WU is multi-faith, but I remember the traditions of my childhood. I remember wanting that minicomputer kit from Popular Electronics. My parents thought I was such a nerd. Now for Christmas I want to live. Or as Demosthenes observed in about 340 BC, I’d like to fight, then run away so I can fight another day.

    ——————-
    Historian Notes. Date: 2071-12-24

    Document transcribed from hand-written notes found in the North American bunker #1, 2070-09-18. Great debate about authenticity. A prank? “E3” not confirmed by independent sources. No other similar bunkers have been found in North America or Europe. Copperheads not confirmed by independent sources. (Although sufficient material to drive speculation and conspiracy theories.) Anti-viral drones were confirmed to have existed. Insufficient record-keeping to derive exact source of drones. Several governments of the day claimed ownership. This document has inspired incredible discussion about the events of the late teens and 2020s. More cross referencing required for authentication.

  • Children’s Rights versus the Right to have a Contract Dispute

    Children’s Rights versus the Right to have a Contract Dispute

    To: The Honourable Christy Clark
    Premier of British Columbia
    Box 9041, Station Prov Govt
    Victoria, BC V8W 9E1
    Honourable Peter Fassbender
    Minister of Education
    PO Box 9045, Stn Prov Govt, Victoria, BC V8W 9E2
    Jim Iker
    BCTF President
    100 – 550 West 6th Ave
    Vancouver, BC V5Z 4P2

    From: Robert Ford

    Cc: My blog – www.robertfordfiction.com/blog

    Re: Children’s Rights

    Date: October 27, 2014

    Now that school is underway and my two children are settled I have taken a moment to reflect. With the immediate stress of the strike/lockout gone, I have examined my feelings of frustration with the treatment of children during the strike/lockout. I’ve concluded these feelings are still valid and logical.

    The UN’s Convention on the Rights of the Child has a section on Education. The full text is at this site (http://www.ohchr.org/en/professionalinterest/pages/crc.aspx) and the relevant section is here:

    Article 28
    1. States Parties recognize the right of the child to education, and with a view to achieving this right progressively and on the basis of equal opportunity, they shall, in particular:
    (a) Make primary education compulsory and available free to all;
    (b) Encourage the development of different forms of secondary education, including general and vocational education, make them available and accessible to every child, and take appropriate measures such as the introduction of free education and offering financial assistance in case of need;
    (c) Make higher education accessible to all on the basis of capacity by every appropriate means;
    (d) Make educational and vocational information and guidance available and accessible to all children;
    (e) Take measures to encourage regular attendance at schools and the reduction of drop-out rates.

    Honestly. For 1(a), I don’t think the authors had anywhere in their heads a proviso that said, “unless of course there’s a contract dispute, then keep primary kids out of school as long as you need.”

    When I saw on CTV pieces about children in the Eastern Ukraine going back to school and a G&M piece about children in Gaza going back to school, I felt profound shame. Shame and embarrassment that I hope you also experienced.

    Yes, the right to strike is important. Yes, striving to keep public spending under control is important.

    But do either of these trump the right of children to be educated? I think not. The reason is that the children themselves cannot take to the streets and protest or file lawsuits. Collectively parents, politicians, union leaders, teachers, principals, support staff, etc. are expected to make sure children are educated.

    “It was only a few weeks.” “If the union had been more reasonable.” “If the government had brought more to the table.” Variants of these thoughts are likely in your minds. They’re excuses. They don’t cut it.

    Remember, the children in school today will, in the future, be at our hospital beds and they will be adjusting our meds and changing our soiled garments.

    What are you doing to make sure these children will want to do the work? How are you going to adjust the bargaining process so that we never go through something like September 2014 again?

  • Catherine and Carolin Sing (and play oboe)

    Catherine and Carolin Sing (and play oboe)

    On Sunday September 28, 2014 my wife and daughter got to team up and perform at the North Shore Theatre Organ Society’s concert at the church where Catherine is a regular soloist.

    I took video with a small camera that I hope you forgive the quality and just try to enjoy the music these two individually and together produced.

    I have loaded this to a private channel on Youtube.

    Carolin – Pastoral – Oboe

    Catherine – Try to Remember

    Catherine – Autumn Leaves

    Catherine – On the Sunny Side of the Street

    Duet – The Best Things Happen While You’re Dancing

    Catherine – Smile

    Carolin – Age of Not Believing

    Duet – Sisters

    Catherine – The Impossible Dream

  • The assault on children must stop

    The assault on children must stop

    Here’s my latest email to the Premier and the Minister of Education


    Everywhere in the mainstream press I’m reading that your arguments for how you are dealing with arbitration are wrong. You have unethically kept children out of school. Read the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. Read the Charter of Rights for this country.

    I understand that you want a handle on expenses. I ardently appreciate financial difficulties.

    However, you had sufficient time to deal with this problem, even with the difficult-to-manage BCTF. So now you have to pay a penalty. Anything you do that is not having the children back in school tomorrow is wrong. Wrong at so many levels (ethically, morally, legally, and economically).

    When school is back in session, whenever that will be, I want Mr. Fassbender to go on a road trip and visit every school in BC and slap some children in the face. Really hard. Then I want parents to sue him for assault.

    Are you seeing how bad your actions right now are? The fact you can’t manage the province’s teacher’s union is not an excuse for having children out of school. Your contempt for the education system is evident. Beating down a union is more important that educating children.

    Having a problem with the BCTF is one thing; taking it out on the children is another.

    Stop this now.

    slapintheface

  • Email to Provincial NDP

    Email to Provincial NDP

    Dear Mr Heyman and Mr Eby,

    Many thanks for hosting last night’s community meeting. I called Mr. Sullivan’s office this morning and left a message at how disappointed I was that he did not show. Without representation by people in the party that’s at the head of this mess, it’s more difficult to get the word out about how unacceptable this is.

    I was the one who exhorted you to oppose more. I thought I’d take a moment and express what I’m not seeing from the NDP. (Maybe you’ve done this but it hasn’t got out, which tells you that messages from your party are not reaching the parents.)

    1. Why has the NDP not declared and emergency and demanded the recall of the legislature to deal with this issue?
    2. Why is the NDP not vociferously standing up for the rights of the children in the context of the Canadian constitution as well as the UN Convention of the Rights of the Child?
    3. Why has the NDP not offered resources in terms of your own time to the BCTF and the government on this issue? For me, the ethics of caring for children far outweighs the perceptions of party politics.

    My concern is that you are motivated to do little because the BC Liberals are doing such an amazing job of self-destruction that, waiting and not putting your collective foot in your mouth, is a tactical advantage at the next election.

    Were we dealing with port closures, failure to process MSP claims, unionized staff disruptions at the legislature that would be one thing, but this contract dispute is damaging the lives of children.

    Soon (if not already) Mr Eby, you will have that first moment of holding your new born child. All Dads and Moms have had this experience. You will realize in your heart – in ways you could not previously imagine – how precious young life is. All parents are hurting at the DNA level because we have a government that we elected that is not caring for our children.

    Please. You are part of the legislature. Oppose more, more often, and with more force.

    Thanks,

    Robert Ford
    Hudson PAC Chair

  • Email Exchange with the Premier’s Office

    Email Exchange with the Premier’s Office

    This email exchange was just had. I’m not sure why Star Trek references work for this mess, but they work for me.


    Hi,

    I appreciate you keeping me in the loop. However, I really think that Mr. Fassbender should stay above the fray through his choice of words. For example, “another empty effort to give parents and teachers a false hope that there is a simple way to resolve the dispute” is highly emotionally charged and, frankly, rather un-ministerial. Perhaps “the material presented by the BCTF had too many preconditions and was not supported by sufficient documentation. I have sent a letter to Mr. Iker requesting further clarification, specifying specific deficiencies as well as the preconditions that should be omitted.”

    I can only conclude that Mr. Fassbender is emotionally compromised. I urge the Premier to raise the bar on professionalism of communications by whatever means she sees fit.

    Further, what is the exact meaning — numerically — of “affordability zone on wages and benefits”? This sounds like bafflegab and should be backed by specific numeric ranges for cost. If you have a top limit, you better fess up and tell us so we parents can tell the BCTF to do its job.

    I am a father of two and feel that this strike is beyond offensive and I’m feeling very much like the BC Government is putting its emotional battle with the BCTF ahead of the education and well being of the children.

    I am working hard to keep my cool, but as we enter week 2, I’m not confident the government of BC has the emotional intelligence to bring this strike to an end.

    I am here for you to make recommendations and suggestions as a non partisan person.

    Let me know how I can help.

    – Rob.

    On 9/7/2014 6:44 PM, OfficeofthePremier, Office PREM:EX wrote:
    > Thank you for your email. We have had a look at the BCTF proposal for binding arbitration, and the Minister has put out the following statement which includes a link to the assessment of the proposal by Peter Cameron – the BCPSEA lead negotiator: http://www.newsroom.gov.bc.ca/2014/09/ministers-statement-rejecting-binding-arbitration.html
    >
    > We will continue to encourage the BCTF to sit down with us at the bargaining table to bring resolution to this matter so children can get back to school; we understand how important this is for you, parents, teachers and students, as well as for our province – not only for today but for generations to come. Getting this dispute settled is important for all of us.
    >
    > Again, thank you for writing.
    >
    > —–Original Message—–
    > From: Robert Ford [mailto:robert@quokkasystems.com]
    > Sent: Friday, September 5, 2014 11:43 AM
    > To: Minister, EDUC EDUC:EX; OfficeofthePremier, Office PREM:EX; Sullivan.MLA, Sam
    > Subject: As Captain Picard would say …
    >
    > Make it so!
    >
    > Looks like the BCTF called for binding arbitration. For the love of all that’s holy, please go for it.
    >
    > – Rob.
    >
    > —